see how people write leave Applications. It's murder of the  English language 

The Leave Applications; )

· Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night
and
he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies,
he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
 

 
The astonished Chinese man replied,
"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour,
it was the Japanese".
 

 
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
 

 
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,
"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
 

 
The Chinese replies,
"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
 

To check the IMEI (International Mobile Equipment Identity) Type-
*#06#
Information you get from the IMEI-
*b XX *b X
TAC FAC SNR SP
· TAC = Type approval code
· FAC = Final assembly code
· SNR = Serial number
· SP = Spare
To check the phones Software revision type-
*#0000#
Information you get from the Software revision-
V 05.31
18-02-99
NSE-3
· 1ST Line = Software revision
· 2ND Line = The date of the software release
· 3RD Line = Phone type
To enter the service menu type-
*#92702689# (*#WAR0ANTY#)
· Serial number (IMEI)
· Production date (MM/YY)
· Purchase date (MM/YY) You can only enter the date once.
· Date of last repair (0000=No repair)
· Transfer user data to another Nokia phone via Infra-Red
Clock Stopping

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE 

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through ATM machines enabling
customers to withdraw cash without leaving
their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined
below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research,
MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been
developed.
Please follow the Appropriate steps for
your gender.'

************ ********* ********* *
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

************ ********* ********* *